What men need to know about sexuality
When a man has the courage to ask about his sexuality, it opens a doorway to his own awakening.
Nowadays, most of what men know and learn about sex come nowadays from online porn. Men think that all women like to be thrusted into and taken like animals. Nothing could be further from the truth.
This short article is an invitation to questioning your sexuality. And like most men, I always thought that I had to figure it all by myself—such a burden.
If an inexperienced young adult were to ask me about sexuality, this is what I would try to transmit to him.
What can you really bring into the bedroom if you don't even know what you like and dislike?
How do you like being touched is one of the most fundamental bits of knowledge you should gain on yourself. The next time you masturbate, move your other hand on your body and see how it feels. Do you like to be touched on your neck? or in your hair? or the forearms? or the inner thighs? Notice how your breathing and heart palpitation are evolving while caressing your own skin.
Not only will it help to increase your pleasure in the bedroom, but it will also diffuse the sexual energy from your penis to your entire body, avoiding premature ejaculation.
Often men fall into the trap of performance that stems from their ego and this masculine competitiveness. Another way to look at this trap would be to think about sex in terms of giving and receiving. Bringing this duality into the bedroom is a pleasure killer and only serves the ego to feel good about itself.
It is not about giving.
It is not about receiving.
And yet it is, but it's also much more.
It is not about giving her an orgasm or being able to thrust for hours.
No, it is much simpler and more difficult than that. It is about being present, being here in the present moment, feeling what the moment needs from us and acting from there. Maybe the moment is asking you to open her up more, and you will spend a delicious span of time in foreplay. Maybe the moment is asking you to be manly, and you take her in your arms with such sexiness that she will become even wetter. Maybe the moment is asking you to be still inside her and connect in the most subtle ways from a still place, gazing at her with the depths of your presence and your open heart.
Have the conversation with her
Another common trap for men is to think that we have to figure it all out. That we have to know and guess what she likes and dislikes and how she likes it. Whilst there is something true about this, I would suggest first having a conversation about sex with her. It will show her that you care for her, that you are connecting with her, trying to know her. It will mean a lot to her. She will feel respected and seen and probably safer. Ask her what she likes and dislikes and how. Perhaps even ask her to guide you maybe by gently hinting to you what she would like in the moment. That will help your own experience to feel her in the moment.